I am War Leader Tuggug, and there be Raid Leader, Uruzak.
“Uruzak!,” says I, “Come here and explain yourself.
“What’s wrong, boss?”
“Didn’t I send you for da new recruits?”
“Yeah, boss, dey over da hill.”
“Where me wolf wheels?”
“Dey will be late, S’Mukkabelli and me, only ones lef’.”
“What??!,” says I, “I sed scout and bring the recruits.”
Uruzak starts to look a little less green. “Yeah, I gives S’Mukkabelli da map, and he scouts ahead…”
Now I, real mad. I bash on hes head and I sees the clan eyeballin’ us, so I wants to teach ‘em all.
Gather ‘round ya gitz. I, War Leader Tuggug, and I got tales o’ S’Mukkabelli—the walking disaster with a skull full o’ squig spit. And get this: he’s related to Warboss Wampgud. Yeah. Wampgud. The biggest, meanest, most bash-happy boss this side o’ the Badlands. How that git S’Mukkabelli came outta the same bloodline, I’ll never know. Musta been dropped on his head by a wyvern.
S’Mukkabelli, he a Legend, buts fors all the wrong ways.
Once, ‘e goes feedin’ d’ Squigs. Wampgud gave ‘im a simple job: feed da squigs. S’Mukkabelli left the gate open, squigs ran wild, ate half the camp, and chewed off me toe. Wampgud just stared at ‘im and said, “You’re lucky yer me cousin, or I’d feed ya to ‘em.”
Guard da boom cart, Wampgud says. S’Mukkabelli pokes da boom powder with a torch. KABOOM. Three wagons gone, shaman’s hut vaporized, and S’Mukkabelli’s eyebrows permanently retired. Wampgud just sighed and muttered, “Why couldn’t it have been the smart cousin?”
And yet, Wampgud keeps ‘im around. Says it’s “family obligation” or “entertainment.” Me? I say S’Mukkabelli’s proof that even da strongest bloodline can cough up a git. But hey—every WAAAGH needs a mascot, and S’Mukkabelli’s da best idiot we got.
“So, THAT S’Mukkabelli, what is wrong with you? Tell me what happened.”
“Well,” Uruzak say, “’E leads us past the mountains into the sands. I was in da rear o’ da column, wagon busted wheel. I feels ‘dis not right an’ I goes and finds him holdin’ da map upside down.”
“So there we was, camped near the edge of the Shimmerin’ Sands, lookin’ to bash some humie caravans. I tells me War Leader, Snotgitz, “Go scout ahead. Make sure we ain’t walkin’ into no bone pile.” Snotgitz, clever git that he is, decides to delegate. Who does he pick as lead scout?
Uruzak looks up. I jus’ nod. He keeps going, “You sure?”, he asks Snotgitz.
Snotgitz says, “If he dies, we ain’t lost much.”
Fair point.
So off they go—S’Mukkabelli, a handful o’ sneaky gitz, and Snotgitz ridin’ his squig, Snarltoof. They vanish into the dunes, and we wait.
Hours pass. Then a day. Then two.
Uruzak says, “In the morning, S’Mukkabelli stumbles back into camp, covered in sand, blood, and what I hope was beetle guts. No one else with ‘im. Not Snotgitz. Not the scouts. Not even Snarltoof.”
“Where’s the rest?”, Uruzak asks S’Mukkabelli.
S’Mukkabelli says, “They found a whole army o’ shiny bone boys. Big hats. Glowy eyes. One of ‘em sneezed dust and melted Grobnak’s face.”
Uruzak explains. It turns out they wandered straight into a full Tomb Kings warhost—horses, skull chuckka, pokey boyz, and a giant statue what looked like it wanted to eat souls for breakfast. S’Mukkabelli, in true form, panicked, tripped over a skeleton, rolled down a dune, and somehow accidentally triggered a sandstorm that buried half the battlefield.
S’Mukkabelli woke up three hours later under a pile o’ bones, crawled out, and walked back to camp whistlin’ like nothin’ happened.
I asked, “How’d ‘e survive?”
Uruzak says he ask him.
S’Mukkabelli says, “I fink they thought I was already dead.”
So now we got no War Leader, no scouts, and S’Mukkabelli’s wearin’ Snotgitz’s helmet like he earned it. I should bash ‘im. But Gork help me, I think the desert cursed ‘im with luck.
Hoomie scribe here. We did manage to get our committed wave figures done. However, we did not complete the bonus Orc units. We have three units of Wolf Chariots buried under the sand. We think they will be uncovered by next month. We did finish painting and basing a couple of Tomb Kings this month – not a challenge commitment but it does feel great to have that army fleshed out. (I kinda feel sorry for S’Mukkatelli.)
Month 2 count is a boar rider, a wolf rider, and a Goblin Shaman for 200 pts.
Tomb King bonus is 3 Bowmen, 8 Skeletons, 4 Cavalry, and 2 Skull Chukka for 785 pts. (I took some time off with the wife’s surgery and I put my down time to good use.)
Wachtmeister: Wow, Todd is really putting me to shame this month! Between his two armies he managed to paint enough troops to finish a challenge worth of entries this month alone! I can’t wait to see them on the battlefield!
I have to say I feel a bit like our hapless orc hero, S’Mukkabelli, with the way things have been going for me. For the first time in years I used white prime on miniatures, priming my archers and bolt throwers with white as they were going to be largely light colors. I ended up spending so much time painting the metallic elements black I didn’t even get close to finishing the archers. On top of that every time I picked up my bolt thrower crews I realized I had broken off another bolts fletching. I decided to hold off on finishing off the archers and restart the bolt thrower crew. I was a lot more careful and using black instead of white helped me move right along. I know next set of archers I paint will be with a black basecoat but I think I’ve gone far enough that I will just press on what I’ve started. I hope to finish them next month, along with the Spearmen so I have a least finished the required troops. This month I also painted a hero, although I accidentally broke his sword off, I was able to glue it back in place. It managed to last so far, we will see how it goes. This is going to be an interesting month between Dreadtober, and a few projects I want to finish by Fall In! in November, but we will see how it goes!
So this month I finished two bolt throwers, and a hero for 3 stands with a total of 150 points.
Mulligans
Both PygmyHippo and RW ran into some speedbumps this month and didn’t quite make it over the finish line, just having basing to go on their entries. Hopefully they finish this months entries and get something else in for next month as well!
Consigned to the Chaos Wastes
Sadly we must consign Viden to the Chaos Wastes as he was unable to get in an entry this month. I hope he is able to get his army painted at some point in the future!
With that we only had two challengers submit their entries. Without counting Todd’s bonuses we have 350 points and 10 stands, but I’m going to go ahead and count his insane bonus entry. With that we painted 1135 points and 57 stands. “We” being a very bold choice of words considering my minimal effort for the month, but hey, I’m happy to ride Todd’s coattails, especially since this whole thing was his idea anyway!
With that I’ll see you all next month, fingers crossed we have some triumphant returns!
-Wachtmeister
The Wachtmeister's Patrol 